Bikini Baristas: Would you like whipped cream with that?

We all know sex sells pretty much anything. In the State of Washington, home of the iconic Starbucks, it also sells coffee. Not by the aforementioned corporation, I hasten to add for fear of being sued, but by some small, independent coffee chains. Typically those that operate out of roadside stands, rather than having retail space inside a commercial building. And not everyone is happy at being served their lattes by beautiful young women in skimpy bikinis. You have to pity the sad puritans who don’t conjour up an entirely un-caffeine related fantasy at being asked if they’d like some whipped cream on their hot venti.

I give you Girl Town Expresso in Lynnwood. According to this article, a picture was sent to the Snohomish Health District that showed the owner, Rick Summers, having sex with one of the baristas inside the stand. Fortunately for Summers, he was able to prove that the incident took place long ago, when the interior was painted a different colour. And he said they were closed at the time. So, happy endings, and Girl Town Expresso is once more open for business. It’s worth taking a look at the comments below the article to get an idea of how Washingtonians think about the issue. Certainly, some Americans are prudish, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a member of the Disgusted Squad who sent in the photo.

But there’s nothing illegal about employing bikini baristas. Faced with this painful fact, Kitsap, a conservative county, is seeking to protect God-fearing Americans from the sight of bare flesh by erecting barriers round 3 expresso stands. The Kitsap Sun reports that planners are writing zoning regulations for future coffee stands, but the only thing they can do with the 3 existing ones is to build 8 ft barriers round them. Do they not have even the most basic grasp of male psychology? Anything covered up is automatically lusted after. Ask your average Victorian bloke about ankles.

You have wonder at the logic behind all this. Even if the aim is to protect impressionable minors, the baristas are wearing bikinis – standard issue on public beaches. When concerned parents take their children on vacation, do they spurn beaches because of the moral danger? In any case, if this blog post has excited your curiosity and you wish to do a little sight-seeing next time you’re in Washington, here is a directory of bikini barista stands in the state I was proud to call home.

Consider it a Public Service Announcement.

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